Frailty thy name is my willpower

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Frailty Definition: physical or moral weakness

I love Shakespeare and I need to lose weight. Time to brutally honest.

When I got married my weight fluctuated around 135 pounds. By my 1st Annversary I near 150 lbs and not happy about it. So, I took a weight management class at BYU which taught me the importance of calorie counting and I used a site called caloriecount.about.com. I was serious about keeping myt caloric intake to 1200 calories per day as that is the number at which my professor guaranteed weight loss. Well, it worked. By the time I graduated in April I was down to 135 lbs again! My goal has always been 125 (or even to break 130 would be wonderful). I remember the very decision that caused me to stop my progress. I was driving home from school near graduation time and decided I had been so good about food and school that I should reward myself and I made a batch of brownies that I could not afford for the day. You just can't slip even a little tiny bit. Then graduation dinners came and I started a new job and we moved and I stopped my careful count.

Even though I stopped losing weight, the healthy habits I had learned helped me to maintain my weight. I maintained for about a year without trying. Again, I had practiced good habits for so long that I kept low without thinking about it, but eventually I got more and more lax and started gaining weight again. The rule is supposed to be to get back on the wagon if you gain 3 lbs. Never let yourself gain more than 3lbs that should be your wake up call. They taught us that in the class. Well, I thought 5 lbs would be my wake up call, and now it's 10 lbs and I will flip out if I get back to 150 again. It's funny how I just keep hoping things will get better without putting in the effort that I KNOW works. It feels so hard I convince myself it can't be done even though I have done it before. Every month that I am not pregnant I tell myself "Well, at least I have another month to lose weight before I get pregnant." I have been trying to get pregnant for a year and havn't lost any weight, but have gained it. Here is my sad graph from calorie counter of my rise and fall (or fall and rise). Figure 1

This makes me fat and unhappy. Figure 2

So, the point is not to be depressed, but the be determined once again to suceed. Ken keeps telling me he doesn't care what I eat just as long as I am accountable and I think that is perfectly fair. So, yesterday I counted my calories and discovered some fun new changes to my website. I didn't have a great day yesterday. I went over by about 600 calories, but at least I am aware of it. Most people just keep gaining weight saying they have no idea where it is coming from and that is because most people do not keep track and therefore don't realize that the butter on your toast is more calories than an entire grapefruit and obviously has less nutritional value. I used to know these things, but I forgot as I got complacent. So it's back to counting for me. Figure 3

I decided a good way to move forward would be to blog my efforts. Then I am accountable and perhaps I can help others with what I learn so I will be sharing my efforts and tips. Don't worry I will not put my food jounral or anything, but I will keep everyone posted. Maybe then I won't let another month slip by and I have done nothing.

Oh right, the fun changes to caloriecount. Along with counting calories they give you a nutritional analysis and tell you where you are off with each food, each meal, and each day in an easy to read chart. Figure 4.

I was having fun with this yesterday and it made me think even more. It is commonly known that most people do not get the nutrients they need each day, but who knows exactly what you are getting and what you need. I used to try to "eat healthy" and hope it was good enough, but now I know exactly what I need. For example, yesterday I was low in Potassium . Then you click on the nutrient and it tells you what food you can eat to get it. For example, bananas are high in Potassium. Maybe I'm weird, but I thought this was fun. it's almost like a game to me getting all the right balances and I really did think more about what I was putting into my body. If I can learn these habits before I get pregnant I can be whiz by that time and just raise my calorie level and make sure I am getting exactly what I need for me and the baby. I have the book "What to eat when you are Expecting" and it tells you the importance of each nutrient and how much you need, but I had no clue how to track it until now. Let the computer do the work for you. Sounds good to me.

So, there you have it. Wish me luck. If anyone else wants to join caloriecount.about.com I think we can become friends on there and make a little community for support. Later.