Screwtape Letter #8

"Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."

When I am at work I try to listen to uplifting things. I find I never have the time otherwise so I play conference talks, Napoleon Hill, and today it was C.S. Lewis. I was listening to the "Screwtape Letters" and one of the letters hit me so hard that I wanted to take a few minutes out of my day to stop and think about it. Especially since letter #1 shows how Satan will try to stop you from thinking upon a line that will cause you to gain further insight. The Screwtape Letters are written from the perspective of a senior tempter for the Devil named Screwtape offering advice to his nephew Wormwood on how to enslave men.

In this letter Wormwood was excited that his assigned man was wavering on being a Christian because he was going through a low point in his life, but Screwtape points out that all humans go through low points, and warns that it is actually in these low points that God can do the most work. He uses that quote that I began this entry with, and I realized how much I needed to hear that.

I have always understood that I can feel closest to God when I am going through a trial. It is no wonder, for that is when I remember him and turn to him for help. For example, when I went through my miscarriage, I felt overwhelming love and peace from my Father in Heaven, and my testimony grew. I could feel his comfort through my prayers. It was a difficult trial, but that is not the kind of low point I am referring to. Perhaps the more difficult low points are when we feel nothing at all. There is no great sorrow from which we need comfort, nor great happiness to rejoice in, just plain nothing.

I realize that God leaves us alone quite purposefully sometimes to have that opposition in all things so that we can better appreciate his presence, but more often than not it is our own fault that we do not feel him near. It is because we just didn't have time for our scriptures today, or were too tired to pray with real intent. Over time, these sins of omission build until we are going through our days, not doing anything bad, but not giving time to what is most important. I know that is one of my greatest faults. During these times I don't feel deep anguish that causes me to remember my Heavenly Father and turn to him, I just feel nothing. Until, over time, I become extremely unhappy and then can't even pinpoint why. When I reach this point and determine to "become more spiritual" it is not as though a rush of spiritual feeling envelops me the moment I kneel down to pray, or read some Scriptures. (Although this is sometimes the case). For this reason, I sometimes feel discouraged when I am trying to get serious about my daily spiritual protection (for I firmly believe that prayer and scripture study protect us). I feel like I am going through the motions because I don't feel something each time I try. That is why hearing this "letter" meant so much to me. Here is another quote that stood out to me...

"Sooner or later he withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peek periods that it is growing into the sort of creature he wants it to be, hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please him best."

Here I have been feeling guilty that I have "lost all relish" and that my prayers do feel "dry." It is not something I wanted to admit, but it was absolutely true. I felt guilty, or that I had done something wrong because I wasn't able to generate the "right" feelings for the tasks. However, the truth is, I am becoming closer to God in those moments than I am when I can feel his support. After all, When our Savior was suffering in Gethsemane it wasn't until he was "forsaken" that he truly learned what it felt like to be human, and to feel so terribly alone. It was in that moment that he was able to do the most for all of us. Now that isn't scriptural or anything, but it helped me to understand how important those times of dryness really are. We really can please him best when we continue to follow the commandants without feeling. That sounds weird, but when I had this realization, thanks to this wonderful book, it made perfect sense to me and I felt much better.

I just wanted to share that feeling of peace with anyone who has felt similar to me in hopes that it can help someone else.


Here is the audio clip I was listening to, read by John Cleese. I can take it down if someone has a problem, but I wanted to share it.